On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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