were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize