we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
