Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
