Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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