do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
