Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
