my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i would punch a child for taco bell
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
