Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
