Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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