My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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