This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
