Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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