He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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