i think i have herpe
just one?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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