That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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