My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
