New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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