Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize