I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
