A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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