He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
