this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
