you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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