I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
