you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
