the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
