im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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