Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
