My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize