Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
