How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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