I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize