Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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