he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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