true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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