You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
