guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Actions speak louder than pants.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
