What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
