i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize