I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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