You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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