I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
