that's an acceptable place to lick
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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