I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
