Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
