I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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