You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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