I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sext me about skeletons
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
