Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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