dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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