We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
