He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
