I CAN MOONWALK!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
