So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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