Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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