I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
