yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize