I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
