I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
