how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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