im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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