It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
