before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
