Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
