Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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