I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
