hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
