Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
