Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
