She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
