omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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