I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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