i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
