the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
