So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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