had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
