So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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