Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
