That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
