You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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