sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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