So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
