if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
