my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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