Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize