i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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