Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have fence marks all over my body
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
