I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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