The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
