Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
