The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
