can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
