I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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