i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
