I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
