Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
