I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize