I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
