Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
