You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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