i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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