too bad you live with your parents still
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
