Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
