In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize