Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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