At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
