just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i out mim tonsoeep
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