This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
