i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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