she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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